Retirement: Let's Talk Boundaries

Let’s talk BOUNDARIES. Boundaries are very important on the road to your Happily Ever After. Fasten your seat belts and let’s go! 

There are two kinds of boundaries - External and Internal. The External are the ones you establish with other people. The Internal are the ones you establish for yourself. 

Whether you are still working or beginning to cut back, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.  Shh! Listen – I can hear the conversation already: “You’re cutting back at work? Retiring? You’re so lucky! You’ll have TONS of free time!” And suddenly everyone thinks your calendar is open to the public. 

• Your friend will need a ride to an appointment. 

• Your neighbor needs someone to watch her dog. 

• Your daughter has a “quick” favor that “shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours.” 

To smooth out the bumps in the road, and keep everyone from grabbing a piece of you, be sure to double-check your boundaries.  

1.  EXTERNAL BOUNDARIES  

Best Advice: BUILD A GOOD FENCE 

You may need to remind people that you are busy figuring out how to spend your new-found time and exploring new adventures. You’ll want to protect your morning walk, your exercise class, that volunteer opportunity, and lunch with friends – or maybe just enjoy a leisurely morning with absolutely nothing on your schedule!  

The point is that YOU are the one deciding the schedule. Just remember to be kind. Saying “no” is often hard – especially for men. 

You can always say, “I’d be glad to help, but I can’t that day. Or a really good response is “Let me think about it and get back to you.” That gives you time to decide whether you actually want to do something—or whether you’re simply feeling guilty about saying no. 

And, BTW, Guilt can really clog up your retirement dreams! 

1. INTERNAL BOUNDARIES  

Best Advice: TALK WITH YOURSELF 

Have a little conversation with your ME, MYSELF, and I. “What do I really want to do? What gives me energy? What drains me? Am I saying yes because I want to—or because I feel I should?” 

And this would be a perfect time to pull out your Curious List. (Remember – It’s that list on your desk of at least 10 things that make you think, “Hmmm…I’d like to find out more about that.”) This will help turn around your newfound free time into exploration rather than a list of errands. 

Until then, the requests will just keep coming. Some requests for your time will make you happy. Some will annoy you. Some will exhaust you. The important thing is to recognize the difference.  

My oldest daughter, a Functional Medicine doctor in Tampa, has terrific advice about boundaries: 

“Not everything deserves your energy.” 

I love that. Whatever transition you’re going through - cutting back at work, retiring, moving, or simply starting a new chapter - pay attention to what restores you and what quietly drains you.  

After all, you’re not trying to keep people out. You’re making sure you’re the one deciding who—and what—gets in.  

Just remember: 

NOT EVERYTHING DESERVES YOUR ENERGY.