Frank: Mark, now that I am in my mid-eighties, I have become increasingly aware of the importance and luxury of time. Time has always been precious, even when I was young, however, time now seems to have reached a conscious level of importance that was lacking years ago, certainly as I have learned that the eighties is a popular decade to die in. Knowing we are going to die someday gives a sense of urgency to today and today is the house in which time lives. Realizing that our time is limited magnifies all other important aspects of life such as good health, loving relationships, and a peaceful mind.
I recognize that living as long as I have is a historical exception. When we lived in caves thousands of years ago, half of everyone born was dead by the age of thirty. Fast forward to 1840 that number only went to thirty-five. Therefore, even thousands of years after humans lived in caves, we Homo sapiens only gained an average of five years of life expectancy. In the 16th century, a woman’s life expectancy was only 29 years with childbirth often being the cause of death. During this time, as soon as a woman began to menstruate, usually around the age of thirteen, she married and was given a shawl for the ceremony. That shawl was then later used as a shroud for her funeral.
Life expectancy reached forty-seven by the early 1900s in the United States and in 1940 when I was born, had risen to approximately 60 years of age. Consider the fact that President Franklin D. Roosevelt died in 1945 at age 63 secondary to untreatable malignant hypertension, a condition treated with considerable success today.
Scientific advances, including antibiotics, vaccines, anesthesia, medications and surgery for heart diseases and cancer, as well as diagnostic testing, organ transplantation, safe childbirth, and surgical advances have all contributed to this increase in life expectancy. Currently, life expectancy has risen to approximately eighty, much due to the incredible advances in medical diagnosis and treatment. Today it is estimated that approximately two million Americans have reached 90 years of age and soon life expectancy will probably reach one hundred. Times have changed, making time more expansive and available, and making it a true luxury of life.
The question I have, Mark, relates to how we can spend our time today to make that time enjoyable, productive, and meaningful?
Mark: Frank the Talmud reminds us that: Our days are like scrolls. We choose what shall be written upon them.
Each of us is given a certain finite number of days. For some, that amount of time is brief. For others, they are given a bounty of days to fill with meaning and joy.
Frank, you have been fortunate to be among those who have been blessed with decades of life. While no one lives with a certainty or guarantee of the number of years of their lives, you are right when you say that on average, most of us are living far longer and in far better health than the generations that came before us. That fact has afforded us the opportunity to build extended lifetimes, offering opportunities for greater purpose, deeper meaning, and increased enjoyment throughout those years.
This is true only so long as we remind ourselves continually of the gift of this extra time with which we have been blessed, combined with the awareness of the promise of each new day.
I remember those board games played with an hourglass to limit every person’s turn. At first glance, one believes one’s time is infinite, the grains of sand only slowly flowing from the top of the hourglass to the bottom. Then, somehow, we suddenly notice that the sand has literally shifted, with the bottom of the hourglass quickly filling and the top rapidly diminishing. A sense of panic, of rushing sets in, with much still to accomplish before our turn ends, and our time runs out.
The day arrives in each of our lives when we realize our time is closer to its limit, maybe not today, but sooner now than later. We realize that there are far more yesterdays than there are tomorrows. The sands have clearly shifted.
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Yet unlike the board game, there is no need to panic. If we have lived our lives with meaning, with purpose, with goodness and with joy, our remaining days— these closing chapters— can be filled with the blessing of time for reflection, for perspective, for a slower and richer pace and with the time for deepening friendships and new social interactions as well.
In short, those days are now ours to fill any way we choose to do so. Our time, however limited it may be, is now very much our own. Each day is largely ours to shape and form, every hour mostly free of obligation, restriction, or responsibility. While it is true that at this stage, our days may be more numbered, the quality of those days and the time we have within them becomes more magnified and hence more meaningful.
Frank, as one who is now in his mid-eighties, I am curious if this perspective has held true for you over these past few years? After a meaningful career, and after the challenging work of raising a family, do you feel as though this time is somehow dear and more precious to you? Do you feel as though there is some truth to the sense that despite the limited number of our days left on earth, they are somehow made richer and fuller because we are able to have the time to enjoy them more?
Frank: Mark, I love your analogy of life’s passage being like an hourglass with its slow passage of sand from the top of an hourglass to its bottom. I believe that as a young man, when the sand of my life filled the top of that hourglass, I did not appreciate the time I had present in my life as much as I do now with the bottom becoming fuller and the top less noticeable. And that fact does create a more intense awareness of the time left in my life. Being retired has helped me feel time in a way it never had before. I have learned that doing nothing is in fact doing something. I have filled my time with an awareness of all that surrounds me and appreciate the small amount of sand remaining at the top of my life’s hourglass. I have fully embraced that awareness whether it be memories of a long and productive life, good health, love of family and friends, or merely peaceful moments viewing the beauty and magnificence of nature.
We too often forget the importance of time in our lives until it is too late.
Rabbi Mark Schiftan can be reached at mschiftan@aol.com.
Dr. Frank Boehm can be reached at frank.boehm@vumc.org.